Two for the Price of One
by Mandy
Summary: Leonardo and Rachel are and in love but Raphael seems to be getting in the way. reposted version to comply with NC17 rules


**Two for the Price of One**   
_ by Mandy_

_Warning and Author's note: This fic has naughty potty words in it and adult situations. No real sex scenes but issues of a sexual nature are included. Ummm..all I can say is that this fic is odd and I'm not sure if anybody will understand it. Oh well..life goes on..._

Leo hummed happily as he had experienced another beautiful moment with Rachel. Him and Rachel had been together for a year now. Life was so wonderful since he met her. He couldn't believe that there was another mutant just like him. She understood him so well and she was just great. The trouble was that nobody else knew about her... except for Raphael. 

Raphael actually has known Rachel longer than Leo. He and Rachel didn't get along and he tended to ruin intimate   
moments. 

_Uh oh flashback time:_

_Leo and Rachel are making oh so sweet loving..._

_"Mmmmm..." mumbles Rachel._

_"Ewwwwwww!!" Raph yelled. Leo quickly rose with surprise and stared at Raph._

_"Raph!! Why do you always have to do this! This is none of your business!" Leo yelled angrily._

_"You know what Leo it is my business!" Raph yelled back. Leo then took a swing at Raph but missed and accidentally hit Rachel. Rachel began to cry in pain._

_"Oh my God Rachel!! I am so sorry!" Leo apologized frantically. Rachel just laid there, crying. Leo ran off to get some ice but was confronted by Raph when he got back._

_"So you hit your girl?" Raph asked snidely._

_"NOO!! You tricked me, you bastard!" Leo yelled back._

_"You want to fight about it?" Raph asked fist in hand. "What are you going to do? Try to hit me again?" Leo was red with fury but loosened his fists. He sadly looked down at his hands._

_"No..I can't and you know it." Leo said quietly to Raph. Raph snickered at Leo's defeat._

_"You know you really are pathetic...wimp." Raph snorted and left. Rachel spoke up._

_"I know you didn't mean to hit me, Leo." She said softly._

_"I'm sorry..." Leo said as he rubbed her cheek with his hand. Rach pulled Leo close to her and allowed him to lightly kiss her._

_"I said no more of this shit!!" Raph yelled._

_"Raph!! You never let me have fun! This is my life and it's none of your business." said Rachel._

_"Oh sure, that's what you say when me and Mona are getting it on or if I go out fighting for the night. Don't give me crap about it being none of my business, woman!"_

_"Well at least I allow you do what you want but when I want to enjoy myself you always interrupt. It's bad enough I have to hide from the others all of the time. You always get to be around. Can't you stop being selfish for once and let me enjoy myself once and awhile? Can't you understand that I love Leo, dearly?"_

_"Oh fuck you!!" Raph yelled back at Rach and left._

_"I'm so sorry about Raph..he's so pigheaded." Rach said as she caressed Leo's chest plate. Leo gently kissed Rachel on the lips._

_"Heh..well he is my brother so I know all too well. Damn bastard kept you from me for so long but now that we have found each other..." Leo didn't finish his sentence as he and Rach engaged themselves in a long kiss._

_End of Flashback. Thank God, right?_

There were several times when Raphael ruined moments between him and Rach but he didn't ruin things this time. This time him and Rachel went all out and made love with no interruptions. It was a magical moment that they would always treasure but what he didn't know was that this would change his life. 

A Couple of weeks later things were back to normal but that was going to change because Raphael was acting strange. He told everybody that he had an announcement to make to everybody. 

Michaelangelo, Donatello, Leonardo, and Splinter sat in anticipation for Raphael to share his big news. 

Raph cleared his throat. "I..uhhh...I have something to tell everybody. I'm...pregnant..." Jaws dropped as everybody stared at Raph in disbelief. The silence was broken by laughter. The origin of the laughter was none other than Mike. 

"Hee hee...very funny bro." Mike said laughing as he slapped Raph on the shoulder. 

"This isn't a joke and Leo can back me up on that." All eyes looked at Leo. Leo was just as shocked as everybody else but for different reasons. He finally managed to say something. 

"I think he's telling the truth." Mike scratched his head then widened his eyes with understanding. 

"Ohhhhhh...You mean that Leo is in on this joke too? You guys are weird." Mike said shaking his head and smiling. 

"Mike..this isn't a joke..you see...I'm not exactly who you think I am." 

"What do you mean?" queried Don. 

"I'm a male and a female." 

"You mean, your a hermaphadite?" Don asked in shock. 

"Yeah...I guess so if that's what it's called." Raph answered quietly. "And there's more...." 

"Huh? You just told us that you are of both sexes and there is still more?" Mike asked. 

"Yeah...I have a female personality named Rachel. So actually she is the one who is pregnant." 

"That still leaves one question unanswered my son (son, daughter?). Who is the father of the child?" Splinter asked. 

"I am." spoke up Leo. Mike rubbed his eyes then pinched himself. 

"Ow! I must be dreaming. This is just all too weird and... creepy." 

"And you know what? I'm not too happy about this kid either. Damn you Rachel and Leo!! Why did you have to impregnate me?" Raph angrily hit his lower abdomen a few times. 

"Raph!? Stop that!! You'll hurt the baby." Rachel screamed. 

"Fuck you woman! I didn't ask for this baby. Just because you and Leo can't keep your damn hands off of each other I have to suffer." Raph yelled. 

"It's not a punishment, it's a beautiful experience to feel a baby growing inside of you. Few men get to experience that." Rachel answered. 

"Well I didn't ask for it and I hate your stinking rules: No drinking, no smoking, and no going out and having fun. How do you think that makes me feel?" Raph growled. 

"You're an uncle now so act like it!! Rachel screamed back."..And maybe you should take up knitting while you stay home at night, Raphie" Rachel added with a smile on her face. 

"Grrr...I'm not gonna do anything girlie like that!!" Raph replied. 

"It's not girlie and you can make cute clothes for he or she and use your emotions constructively!" Rach said happily. 

"Yeah well..Uncle Raph hates you kids! Damn good for nothing kids!" Raph said as he hit on his abdomen once again. 

"Raph!! you apologize to your nephew or niece right now!" Rachel screamed. 

"Fuck you!! I can treat them anyway I want!!" 

"Raph!!! Don't do that!!!" Rachel screamed back. 

"Shut up, missy..it's your fault we're in this mess and you know it bitch!" Raph yelled back 

Leo watched nervously, not knowing what to do or say. 

The other turtles and Splinter just sat there staring with wide eyes and dropped jaws at the odd situation and wondering what the hell???   


* * *

The End 

Okay I know that was very very odd and probably didn't make a whole lot of sense. What was the point? The point was ummm...Raph's pregnant!! ha ha!!! 

Raph: Shutup Woman!!! 

Oh yes! If people have any questions about this fic then please don't be shy and e-mail me about it. I'll be happy to tell you all about it. *evil grin*   
  
  
  
  
  



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